The Power of Lingerie – A conversation with Orsino12
Putting together this issue of PEGGY I spent a lot of time on Fetlife, a social networking site for kink and fetish people. My interest was piqued by group for “masculine men who like to wear feminine lingerie and hosiery”. Curious to know more, I started messaging with some of its members, which led to some moving and insightful conversations about gender, sexuality, and lingerie. Despite the name of the group, it turned out its members encompass a wide range of gender identities – from crossdressers to transwomen, and then there are those who do not necessarily want to wear feminine lingerie themselves but like it on others.
Here you can meet Orsino12 (their Fetlife username), a 65-year-old secret crossdresser from New England with a preference for soft, frilly and pastel-colored fabrics and a lingerie collection to die for. We also talked a about being sexually submissive and the quest of finding a dominatrix. By kind permission of Orsino12, here is an extract of our correspondence.
Simone: What is it about wearing lingerie that you like and do you have a favorite type?
Orsino12: I have not really tried to analyse why I like wearing lingerie or why a particular type is preferred, so bear with me as I try to put it into words… I enjoy wearing panties – both those sold as “sissy” and panties marketed specifically for women. I also love the feel of nylons and I am just starting to wear thigh-high stockings and a garter belt. I wear these under slacks and hidden from view. I own a few bras and have worn them in the house, but have yet to do so outside of my home.
The appeal is on several levels. I know the secretive aspect of doing so is thrilling and exciting. But I also believe wearing lingerie lets me feel very feminine and I love that feeling. I love soft, frilly and pastel-colored lingerie the most – pink, yellow, pale blues. But I do also wear bright reds and black and white.
What you say about wearing a garter belt and stockings under your slacks really shows how powerful lingerie can be in terms of how it makes us feel. I sometimes pick my lingerie carefully even though I know no one is going to see it, because wearing a particular kind of lingerie can put me in a certain mood that I feel will help me get through whatever I need to get through that day. Do you feel the same way?
Yes, yes, yes, I agree with your statement completely. My mood and necessities of the day influence which panties I opt for. There are times my dress needs to be rather plebian. For example, I might have a doctor appointment or a medical procedure, at which it may be necessary to disrobe. I will still wear panties on these days, but they are not screamingly feminine.
At the moment I am away from home as I am performing as an actor in summer theatre, and the dressing room is a communal one. The panties I brought with me could pass on a quick glance as male (unless the waistband is seen) and I deliberately chose these for this trip. I try to change quickly and surreptitiously so as to not bring notice while standing in panties – always with a top on. I know I am flirting with being “caught”, but I really love the excitement and possibility involved.
Do you remember when you first felt your interest in lingerie?
I am not certain when it began. I do recall at least one instance of voluntarily donning a dress during play with my older sister when I was quite young – perhaps 5 or 6. I was discovered by my parents while in the dress and severely ridiculed. As I played “kidnap” games with boys and girls in the neighborhood at a slightly older age I always wanted to be the victim and forcibly crossdressed.
Then I married at 20 to a slightly older and certainly more sexually advanced woman. She had been married at 18 and was now divorced at 25. We explored and played considerably. I became well aware of deeply wanting to be the submissive one. There were instances of crossdressing. I thoroughly enjoyed it, as did she. Unfortunately, she told of the crossdressing and submissiveness to a group of women she belonged to. I was mortified, embarrassed, and felt horribly betrayed. Trust was broken and I was ashamed. I suppressed the urge to dress for decades. I only began to do so in complete secrecy a few years ago.
I am sorry you had your trust broken by someone so close to you. What made you start wearing lingerie again a few years ago?
My needs and interests were bubbling to the surface and I had to find an outlet at some point. The more time I spent on Fetlife and Tumblr, the more it became impossible to ignore. Fantasy needed to be experienced. This happened with my quest to find a professional dominatrix. I have loved these experiences as they have allowed me to explore my desires much further, but I wish I could do so without involving the services of a professional domme… Then I began to purchase panties online and on occasion in large department stores about 4 years ago. I would buy and purge feeling tremendous guilt and shame. Eventually, the period of owning lingerie grew longer and longer, and at this time, I don’t wear men’s underwear unless it is completely unavoidable.
Do you think you could tell me a little bit more about what you like about feeling feminine?
I believe that in another era I would have seriously explored being transgender. I firmly believe I have stronger female tendencies than I do male. Alas, it is not anything that will happen and will forever be a deeply held fantasy. I do know I feel incredibly feminine when wearing lingerie or crossdressed. It is thrilling, exciting, and highly arousing.
Have you told anyone in your friend circle that you like wearing lingerie?
I do have two women who know of this. One is the professional domme. The other is an online woman I have never met in person. She is more aware of how much I wish to be feminized than anyone else in my life has been – ever. I would never broach this subject with a male friend. I just cannot see that as a possibility. My current wife knows nothing and does not suspect anything to the best of my knowledge.
What keeps you from telling her?
I have been an alpha professionally and domestically for our entire marriage, and she is unaware of my submissive desires. If she does know, she hides it as well as, if not better, than I am hiding this from her. I do not believe she would respond well to learning about this and I have no interest in hurting her or in jeopardizing my marriage with her. She made a unilateral decision years back that she no longer wished to be sexual. I suppressed my needs, as I told you earlier. But as they grew stronger my latent interests in being feminine blossomed and I chose to nurture it. I love feeling feminine and fantasizing about being transformed into a woman. Dressing and fantasy are tremendously gratifying to me and I will indulge them both for as long as I am able.
This online woman that you mentioned before – How did you meet her?
I met her through Tumblr. I have a page that is submissive in nature – Hers is female domination. Much to my delight and everlasting gratitude she responded to the comments I posted on her blog posts and a correspondence developed, which has been steady since January. She accepted me as her “slave” provided I would submit to certain tasks and provide photographic proof of my compliance. Tasks have included shaving my legs and genitals, demanding panties to be worn, purchasing and wearing a chastity device (her permission is required for removal), and of late getting a pedicure. I have complied and relished each task and long for additional ones to be demanded. I feel sexually alive for the first time in many years. Over the past months we have evolved to additionally being friends, albeit ones with an interesting shared bond. It is easy to talk with her in much the same manner that it has been easy for me to do so with you. Through doing so I learn more about me and my interests, I feel accepted and not judged, I am encouraged to explore myself further – to push boundaries. And yet, I feel truly safe in doing so.
In a way both of the women who know about your lingerie are dommes. This is interesting, because I have often heard dominant/submissive relationships described as having a therapeutic element. Do you recognize that?
In many ways I think it is fairly accurate to describe the relationship as having a therapeutic component. It does for me at least with the in-person experience. In the live session I can be readily brought into “sub space”. There is something tremendously freeing in letting go and simply experiencing being under this spell. I make arrangements for the session when I can afford it and the longing becomes so great that I need a release of some sort. Mind you the release is not a euphemism for orgasm. It is an emotional and physical yielding; a giving in to another completely. Upon the session’s ending I need to be brought back to the everyday “me”. There is a care time that may involve being held or simply talking as people before I leave. My drive home will often allow for more decompression and more of me to surface. There is a release through the session time that is highly therapeutic.
My online time is very, very different. I do not enter into “sub space”, but more than anything it is a highly charged and erotic stimulation. I fervently hope to meet her in person at some point. If I were to be so fortunate, there would not need to be any session time. I would be delighted to have dinner or a cup of coffee and simply engage one another as people. I am extremely fond of her in ways that I am not with my in-person domme. Perhaps the frequency of contact and knowing something of each other beyond the realm of sexuality plays a role in the distinction I feel.
Being able to talk openly about wearing lingerie without feeling judged seems to do you really good. But at the same time you mention shame as something that adds to the excitement. I know sexuality can be very complicated and often contradictory – I recognize that from myself. That’s why I am interested to know: Do you think an ideal society is one without shame?
There’s no question the contradiction exists. My discussing it openly with you and with my two friends is indeed cathartic and doing so also helps me to understand me a bit more. Who am I? is a life long question to try and answer for all of us. I am relishing the chances I am being given to explore me more. To learn and understand my wants, interests, and drives in ways I have not previously. My curiosity will not, hopefully, be the thing that killed the cat.
At the same time I am well aware that the furtiveness and to some degree illicit nature of wearing lingerie, painting my toenails, and wearing a chastity device at the behest of my online domme heighten and enhance the excitement. The possibility of being caught adds to it tremendously. If society was more accepting or completely accepting of our individual quirks and predilection, this kind of excitement would be altered without question. But I believe there would continue to be enjoyment from wearing lingerie and painting my nails because both are so deliciously sensuous and heighten my feelings of being a sexual being. I am less certain as to what my response would be regarding wearing the chastity device – I think if I were still “forced” to wear it at the behest of my online domme there would still be great pleasure in the act. The thrill of being HER property would not be affected.
Thank you, Orsino12 ♥